Stand Against the Wind:
Truth will take us home
By Anne M. Cox, Founding Member
Children's Protection & Advocacy Coalition (CPAC)
Copyright © 1999. All Rights Reserved.
Contact the CPAC.
Feature Article, June 1, 1999
DC Magazine Premier Issue

     I am, you can, we must: Protect the children; keep each free; support their self-esteem, offer strength, and endorse their right to live in peace, feel safe, and understand they deserve respect.

     There is no greater challenge than discovering where we stand when obstacles appear in our path. For some, a hurdle can become a roadblock; and, yet, for others, the same transforms itself into a stepping-stone or a catapult. People, events and experiences shape decisions made on a daily basis. Everything synthesizes, leading to impressions, perspectives, opinions, and choices we each make. We are not disconnected -- from life. We are integrated in its processes. The question is: Are we passively or actively participating?

     I am a children's advocate. I am engaged in life. I am an assertive participant in the process. I am who I am because of where I've been, who I've seen, who I've met along the way, what I've done, and how everything has factored into my being who I am. I stand.

     The sun, the moon, the sky, stars, tides, seasons, earth, time: I reach for each. I can't touch everything, yet I can try. I live life with my eyes wide open; I dream; I think; I envision. I seek something more from life for children, something missing from the experiences many adults felt as children: Safety and protection from people who are abusive. I realize: The world does not revolve around me, for me, or because of me. I evolve with others involved in the process of serving children. We must all work together. We stand as individuals with a destination. We endeavor to prevent harm from hitting children.

     I don't speak for all. I'm not foolish or arrogant to believe or intimate that I can articulate for everyone. I simply offer my vantage point -- from where I am and where I stand; I am for children.

     Myriad myths and misconceptions cloud ideas some people hold of children's advocates. Let's go ahead and set the record straight. It is not from a foundation of hatred that inspires men and women to want to help children; and, the relevancy of that statement is not affected by whether a person was abused as a child or enjoyed life abuse free. Helping others begins within -- the heart.

     A heartless person or someone who doesn't feel deep empathy and compassion for others, and, particularly, for those who are most vulnerable, is not prone to choose conduct that complements life-enhancing measures. People who believe, and others who know, there are things that can be done to foster children's safety are working for that goal, not to see abuse manifest or regenerate. Children's advocacy is not a "sport" for the "bloodthirsty"; it's not a competition; it's not for recognition; it's not easy; and, it's not pretty or pleasant.

     Advocating for children can be heartbreaking at times, and heartwarming at others.

     Advocates are often viewed and treated as having a "fishbowl" existence or examined under a microscope, and held to account and answer for situations in which only a handful of individuals may have missed something, done something that resulted in ill-effects, or appropriated advocacy issues to advance themselves. For all the times, and instances, in which advocates (as a whole) have been taken to task, there are incalculable situations in which there have been good results for children, but there is no mention, no recognition sought, no cheering section rooting for those helping children, no thank you. Most of the effort is done diligently, quietly, and without fan-fare. Many results that are positive in the lives of children are not noticed. Why? The population being served is children whose lives warrant protection from exploitation -- of all types.

     For example: When an abducted or missing child is recovered safely and reunited with family and friends -- in cases that turn high profile as a collateral effect of needing to reach as many people as possible, and through various media -- most of the people (who pooled their skill, time and dedication to locate the child) remain unknown. The objective isn't name-making for oneself, yet to find the child (and, the preference is, alive). The outcome, though celebrated quietly, can quickly become overshadowed by people -- not even familiar or involved with the case -- rushing to media to serve as "armchair quarterback." Advocates know there is always room for improvement, and that goes for everything in life in which people are involved; yet, advocates are judged by what "could have been" done differently. Had the child not been abducted, criticisms would be absent. The abductor, as convenient as it may be for some to overlook, is responsible. Failure belongs to the person who abducts another's child; it is not a "system failure."

     While many people understand that firefighters, police officers, and others in public service professions are putting their lives on the front lines to serve and protect, children's advocates do no less. And, yet, the laws affecting law enforcement serving are different from the laws protecting those who work for children in the public and private sectors. If an officer's life is threatened, for example, a felony charge can apply. But if an advocate's life is threatened, many are under the faulty belief that it, somehow, "goes with the territory," and that it's perfectly acceptable and appropriate to harass, stalk, or terrorize an advocate's life. I, like many of my peers, have been through the trauma (and it is) of being treated as targets or as "fair game" by predators. Why? Because of where and how we stand. Open season, declared on advocates, and believed somehow permissible, has created problems. Not only do advocates work for children's safety, we must also take steps to better protect ourselves and work on affecting laws that protect all equally from threats, and discourage any discharge of those threats.

     As long as people continue believing that threats are appropriate when directed at any advocate, we run the risk of losing more good people -- as an effect of stress, and having an inadequate support system in place to ensure we will not become causalities of the "war" predators have declared on us, and have enacted by phasing in step-after-step (pronounced at their message boards, web sites, electronic mails, et cetera). Terroristic tactics do not go with the territory, yet pedophiles laud each other when they attack. Advocates don't support their actions. Nor should we support when any alleged "advocate" determines to "turn the table" so to speak and do similarly to predators as they have done to advocates. Such an "advocate" is not a "hero," but someone who has reduced oneself to what one has claimed to stand against. It perpetuates problems -- and, frequently, not for the "advocate" who has lowered oneself to the level of predator, but for others who take a much more circumspect approach. Bad behavior by anyone should not be condoned, no matter whether that conduct achieves results or not: Bullying, intimidation, and harassment have no place in children's advocacy. We don't want children to behave toward one another in such a manner, and adults should not hold such behavior out as justified or as a "means" to reach the "end."

     Decommissioning predators is the goal, which can be met through awareness, education, prevention and outreach efforts. Pedophilia has been around since the beginning of time; pedophiles have always existed. Those two things are likely to remain constants. Our response to each is dynamic -- ever-assessed and changing as active pedophiles access different means and alter their approach to children.

     Children are not the problem. Predatory pedophiles and some parents are the problem.

     The time to seek help is before someone intuits or feels something might be wrong in his or her child's life. Adults make time to learn how to drive, use computers, create web pages, and so on. Any adult who is responsible for the care of a child -- parent, guardian, teacher, et cetera -- should also learn more about pedophiles: how they act, how they approach children, how they approach adults to get closer to children, how to recognize possible signs, symptoms or behaviors of abuse, how to speak with children age-appropriately about adults who might be pedophiles ready to act on having access to children, how to report suspected abuse, and how to support children who have been abused. Ample educational materials are available: in bookstores, in libraries, Online and in Real-Time. There is no excuse for not knowing how to better protect children from pedophiles. All one need do is look under "pedophilia"; "pedophile," "abuse prevention," and similar terms. Begin anywhere, but start somewhere and it will lead to more references and ideas guided toward children's protection.

     Speaking with children about their safety can be a daunting responsibility for adults. If a parent or care provider doesn't know how or where to begin, then speak with a pediatrician, a licensed emotional health provider, a police officer, or, for example, other parents who have talked with their children. Someone should be able to help you.

     This isn't intended to be anything that reflects bashing toward one gender or another, or to come across as sexist, yet, the reality is: Many children are in the custody of one parent who may have sole custody or shared visitation. Both parents must be attentive to the child's safety and educational needs. If any adult is behaving toward or touching a child inappropriately, even if that may be the other parent, the child should be encouraged to tell someone. If the parent won't listen or acts as if it is "normal," then the child should know that it is okay to turn to a friend's parent, a teacher, or someone else prepared to report. Abuse can and does often happen within a home or environment familiar to the child; reports of the abuse must not remain contained within those walls or help and support will not reach the child.

     Women, though reported less frequently, do abuse children. There should be no differential treatment in respect to how reporting, child protection, prosecution, et cetera, are applied - whether a female or male is suspected or reported for suspected abuse. It is misguided to attribute the prosecution of women (accused of offending) as related to "male friendly" courts, a "good ol' boy" network, or anything else like that, when the reality is, women are not granted entitlement to abuse no more than are men.

     Both women and men should empower themselves as parents, and prepare to follow through if protection for a child is sought and needed. One method of empowerment is through education, and another is economic. No child should be subject to further, possible abuse because someone fears loss of income, support, or housing tied to the accused abuser. Many times, women are granted primary custody of their children in divorce cases. A father, who has been proved to have abused a child (sexually), should not be questioned by the mother or informed of police reports offered. "I was afraid I'd lose my house," for example (and a true one), does not justify telling someone he or she has been reported for suspected, sexual inappropriateness toward a child. The accused should not have lead time: to destroy evidence, to contact others possibly suspected, or take any steps that will interfere with the investigation. Putting interest in a house is giving property a higher priority than one's own child and his or her safety and protection.

     For parents seeking help, it is available. And, for adults wanting to help children, there are a wide variety of ways to offer. Feel free to visit: http://www.thecpac.com/links.html. There are a number of children's services agencies listed, at that site, and at others hosted by the CPAC.

     Miracles might save some children, yet counting on one to arrive when needed probably isn't the wisest thing we can each do to further children's safety. We may each contribute to the process by our involvement and efforts to help educate and shape the course that intersects with children's lives. Where adults' lives cross paths with a child's, it should not hurt the child.

     Children can remind us of dreams lost and found; they can help us recall our childhood. They are our promise, the guardians of the future. If we fail to protect children, when we are most vulnerable, we may discover that upcoming generations will not know how to protect us because we missed the opportunity to illustrate by examples we set.

     Advocating for children is not the easiest thing to do but it is the right thing to do -- even when it means standing against the anger, and the violence threatened. Standing against turbulence (and predators disposed to volatile behavior) doesn't feel comfortable, yet the course we choose today will be reflected in the future as children lead us through the next century.

     We all journey somewhere at the end of our lives, and to our final resting place. When I'm reaching that place in my life, I won't be needing to ask myself: "Did I do the right thing?" The effects of the choice I made to help children will carry me home.

     I am, you can, we must...

Stand between children
and child abusers.

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